A Tale from Beyond the Grave-y

A Tale from Beyond the Grave-y

Based on true events. Names have been redacted to protect innocent and guilty parties - and yush, I do like the gravy. A bit of fun to bring a smile....

Once upon a time, there was a girl who absolutely loved Gravy. She made it all by herself, to her own very special recipe. I can’t tell you what the ingredients were, but suffice to say it was very, very, very, tasty indeed.

One day she made a special extra tasty batch, super thick and lovely . Black as the night sky it was, and tasted of heaven! She set it aside ready for the evening meal.

And how they enjoyed it, the Gravy girl and her husband. Now, he wasn’t quite so obsessed with the obsidian nectar, but nonetheless; he ate it all up with a smile on his face. When they’d finished, he kindly offered to take the platter away, and the rest of the Gravy too.

There were lots of curly fries left over – and, thank goodness, a fair amount of the raven-hued jus. So, the girl that loved Gravy rested her head on her pillow, and thought of the lovely breakfast she would have in the morning.

She awoke the next day with a spring in her step. Filled with happiness and song, she made her way to their tiny kitchen; and looked for her beloved Gravy....

....oh no! It wasn’t on the work top. “Hmmm” she thought: “maybe he left it on the table.” She danced her way through to the lounge, but alas it wasn’t there either! “No worry, maybe the fridge?” But no!

Running back to the kitchen for one more look... there she saw it! NO! IT CANNOT BE!!!!! The Gravy jug was IN the sink and had been filled with water!!!!! WATER!!!!! WATER IN HER GRAVY!!!!!!! But why?? Why would he do such a cruel thing ?????? WHYYYYYYYYY???????

He came into the kitchen, completely unaware of what he’d done. She turned and asked – no, screamed - “What have you done with the Gravy, my special Gravy, MY GRAVY??? “

Tears ran like rivers down her face.

He had no answer, but mumbled something about wanting things to be tidy, he didn’t want the Gravy to stick to the jug, he thought he was being helpful, just putting it into soak............. but the truth of the matter was, he’d RUINED IT!

The days turned to weeks and then to months.......... they tried to live normally, but underneath there was always that underlying tension of betrayal and waste. Wasted Gravy.

As Winter turned to Spring, the Gravy loving girl’s husband went out to get a new Gravy jug by way of an apology.

On his way through the woods, he had to cross a very muddy puddle, it was dark and ooky, a bit like her Gravy he thought to himself , and he laughed, thinking he’d been rather funny. .............. I suppose the last 6 months of her Gravy lamenting had got to him........ just a little bit. On he went and splashed his way into the black watery puddle, but - he never got to the other side.; and began to sink. He reached up to try and lift himself , but no – have you ever tried to grab a firm hold on a black watery puddle? I do not advise it. It is FUTILE. So, he went down and down and down and down and down.

At the very deepest and darkest bottom of the pit, he fell into what seemed to be a firelit cave. There the Gravy girl’s husband waited; too scared to open his eyes and too sticky to move!

There was a noise – the unmistakable sound of a pitchfork being dragged across semi-molten rock. In terror, he slowly opened his mud-caked eyes. There was a teeny tiny Demon, all red and fiery, brandishing his prong afore him!

The demon cocked his head and stared wickedly! Then, he jabbed the fork at the bad Gravy man. “Was it ye?” squeaked the teeny tiny Demon, “ ye ,who ruined your wife’s Gravy for no reason other than to be TIDY???? What thinketh ye, ye fool?”

The Gravy loving girl’s husband didn’t know what to say! He begged and pleaded and cried for forgiveness. It wasn’t done with malice, he just hadn’t thought, he’d just had one too many beers and wasn’t thinking clearly! He had to be forgiven , he MUST be forgiven !

Now the little fiery Demon also liked to have a beverage. Or two. Or even ten! So he decided to look kindly upon this poor misguided Gravy fool. It had, of course, happened to him too...an incident with some leftover seitan sprang to his mind... but teeny tiny demons don’t share their dark little secrets; and let me tell you... this one had a lot.

“Okay then. I suppose if ye really didn’t mean it, we can send ye back, but don’t ever, ever, ever, ever, ever do it again, ever!”
And with that he lifted his little fork and thrust the bad Gravy man right back up from whence he’d come!

On his way back home, Gravy jug in hand and covered in mud, he felt sheepish and bad, he never wanted to see that Demon again; for one thing he smelled terribly . The demon that is, not the bad Gravy man. Apart from the mud of course.

He opened the door.

“I’m back” he cried; and then smelt a different kind of smell. Beautiful, dark, thick Gravy..............his wife had finally forgiven him. She poured the precious Gravy into the shiny new jug; and they kissed. And they all lived Gravyily ever after.

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